Retail by jeem.
- Hurry up! Jump in! - There was a girl with them.
- Jump in, will you? - Kind of lost.
You look kind of lost yourself.
- I think I know where she'll be. - Come on. It's your last chance.
Wolfgang.
Wake up, Wolfgang. Come on.
Wake up!
Jesus Christ.
Ben, it's three o'clock in the morning. This better be good.
I just had one of those dreams again.
I was flying. It was so real. It was over this giant circuit board or something.
I dreamt I was naked at school. I hid in the bathroom. It was terrible.
Anyway, I drew what I could remember. I'd like you to look at it tomorrow.
Sure. Can I go back to bed, please?
My mom's coming in to me. Over and out.
The Martians have no resistance to bacteria in our atmosphere.
We have long since become immune.
Once they breathed our air,
germs which no longer affect us began to kill them.
The end came swiftly. All over the world, their machines...
- Kick his ass, man. - Go on, kill him.
- Get him. - Heard you called me something funny.
What's so funny?
I said you had elephantitis.
Why can't you talk like everybody else?
I don't like people calling me stuff when I don't know what it is.
Elephantitis is when something gets bloated and ugly, like your ass.
- You don't learn, do you? - Cut it out, Jackson.
Who's gonna make me? You?
Sure, elephantitis head.
Kick his ass.
Kick his ass!
Come on! You can't get away from us now, buddy.
Go, go, go, go!
Hey. Everything OK?
This damn carburettor. Must've rebuilt this thing 100 times.
I wanted to say thanks for... with Jackson and everything today.
Steve Jackson's a jerk. If he tries it again, I'll kick his butt.
Want to come to my house? I just got a tape of This Island Earth.
- It's got this great saucer landing. - Sounds great.
And it's got this big mutant with two brains. It's really cool. You'd like it.
Darren! Darren, wait up!
How come you didn't stop?
Look, why don't you just take off, OK? I did you a favour.
- But I didn't know you'd bug me about it. - It's OK. Here, forget it.
Oh, no. My dad's home.
- I guess he didn't get that job. - What does he do?
Hauls junk.
Is that your mom?
No. That's my dad's girlfriend.
She's OK.
I think I will go over to your house.
OK, but leave your bike here. We'll take the creek.
- Your folks fight a lot? - My mom died when I was a kid.
My dad's OK.
He just isn't very lucky.
He always breaks things or loses 'em.
Anyway, he taught me how to run.
He can't catch me any more.
- Your mom and dad still together? - Yeah. They get along OK.
They just talk about the stupidest junk all the time.
- Where are we going? - To see my friend Wolfgang.
- Wolfgang? - His parents won't let him change it.
- You'll probably think he's weird anyway. - Probably.
He's been playing sick, working on a project. I want to see how it's going.
If I had a name like Wolfgang, I'd kill myself.
Benjamin! Come in. And this is?
- Darren. - Darren.
You only have to tell me once. I never forget anything.
- Look, this looks like Uncle Fred. - So it does.
Stop that right now!
Have a seat. Wolfgang's down in his lab. I'll ring him.
He's feeling much better now.
- Wolfgang. - Yes, Mother.
Benjamin is here with his friend, Derek.
- Have you seen the bug bomb? - I think in the bedroom.
Can I offer you anything? Some baklava?
- Oh, sure. - What?
It's Greek pastry. Try some.
- Geek pastry? - No, Greek. It's pretty good.
- Is the bug bomb in the basement? - I don't know.
- Where is the bug bomb? - Hey.
- Who's he? - He saved my life today.
- Steve Jackson. - OK.
- Finished it. - You did?
- I sure did. - Come on.
Oh, could you please shut the door?
- Help. Mom! - Frieda. Here's more.
It's crazy, but your diagram translates into some kind of circuit board.
Down, Erhart. Down.
This is Heinlein. Hello, Heinlein.
Hello. Hello. Hello.
I want my...cheese.
I put these sentences into his voice synthesizers.
- Sometimes they make sense. - It smells down here.
- Not now, Heinlein. - Go to hell.
- Don't bother me. I'll turn your voice off. - That's a good one.
All of these are mine. My dad thinks I threw them away.
It's weird. I never could get into this stuff.
But don't you wonder what's out there? Up in the universe? On other planets?
You believe everything you see in the movies?
Not everything.
There's nobody out there.
- Here it is. - Great.
I tied into my father's computer and filled in some details on your drawing.
Mostly guesswork.
This is our circuit board, which called for a terminal.
So I used my computer, which is only a 128K,
but that should be enough to find out... what it does, if it does anything at all,
which it...which it probably doesn't, so...
- You got it? - Makes sense to me.
Good. There's no sense in waiting. Are you ready?
- Sure. I guess. - It'll probably just burn out.
Oh, well. This kind of stuff usually takes years to develop and work out the bugs.
What's... What's it doing?
I don't get it. It's programming itself.
I don't believe this. It's asking for coordinates on X, Y and Z axes.
To locate a point in space relative to its terminal.
How did you dream this?
- I guess I'm just that kind of guy. - Let's see what happens.
Confirm.
- What was that? - I have no idea.
There's holes in all these.
I can see through there. This was from my dream?
Calm down. There's got to be a logical explanation, a scientific reason.
This is a trick, right, you guys?
Listen, we have got to swear to secrecy.
If someone finds out, they'll take it away from us. They can't.
You dreamt it, I built it. It's our secret.
- Right? - Right.
You pull this on every sucker that comes here?
- Wolfgang! - Oh, it's my father.
Wolfgang, I was sure the bug bomb was down here somewhere.
Insect by-products are...
- Hello. So this is the new experiment? - Yeah.
- How's it going? - Fine.
With all this equipment... Is that my video sync generator?
No, I seriously doubt it, Father.
- Hello, Heinlein. - Don't you dare.
- Shut up, Heinlein. - I saw some insect waste over there.
And there could be some bug bomb. Yeah, of course.
- It was definitely in that corner. - Are you sure?
I have to get it running again. I'll call tonight.
Don't forget. Good night, Mr Müller.
- Ja, ja. - Ah, Father.
Now I come to think of it, maybe it's not...
Frieda, swat them with the broom?
Our speed is diminishing. We're now in the atmosphere of Earth.
Where are you going?
Our universe is vast, full of wonders.
I'll explore.
Perhaps find another Metaluna. A place inhabited by beings not unlike myself.
You see, I'm more adventurous than you imagine me.
Exeter, you've used all your power bringing us here.
Even if you had a place to go, you couldn't make it.
Come with us. We'll heal your wounds.
- My wounds can never be healed. - You've things to teach us.
Ben.
I got it working again. Everybody's at the movies. Get over here.
- Well, what is it? - Jeez!
You're such an obsessive person and that drives me crazy.
Because you can't get emotional if you're going to study anything scientifically.
What we have here, as near as I can tell,
is an electrically-generated point of force.
By typing in coordinates, I can make it move anywhere,
even as far as slamming it through a few books or a brick wall.
How?
- This is a vector graphic of the lab. - You mean a drawing?
Yes, but in technical terms, it's a vector graphic.
- That's where it'll be. - Where?
You mean in physical form? It's right there, somewhere.
I can't see it.
Sorry, I miscalculated it.
- I can't see it. - Oh, yeah. I'll fix that.
- It's pretty neat, huh? - Wow.
Yeah.
Here. I waited for you to get here so we could make the official document.
- Can I touch it? - Go ahead.
- It's pretty solid. - Yeah.
- How come we can see it now? - Power modulation.
See? This variable changes its diameter.
See? It's a perfect sphere.
- Want to see it move? - Yeah.
We'll move it from here to there.
Boy, this is pretty weird.
- You sure you know what you're doing? - Ben, I'm a scientist.
Oh, my God!
- What the hell's going on in there? - Get in here.
It's that thing we found. It's going crazy.
- You guys are kidding? - Oh, no.
It's destroying the neighbourhood. Get it back in here.
I've tried, OK, I've already tried.
- Can you see it? - I don't see anything.
Get it back in here.
Help! Help! Help!
Damn.
- It's gone. - So's most of the basement.
- Look at this mess. - Oh, no.
- What now? - It's my parents, they're back.
If my dad sees this, he'll stuff me in a test tube.
You guys, sneak out the back, and we'll continue testing tomorrow, OK?
Bad kitty.
- What did you tell him? - It was a rocketry experiment.
I just mentioned Wernher von Braun and everything was OK.
That wouldn't have worked at my house.
My brother and I used to come up here all the time.
That was before he went into his jerk phase.
Boy, you can see the whole town from up here.
There's Lori's house.
Who's Lori?
She's this gorgeous blonde.
- Where does she live? - Never mind.
I made a rough sketch of the terrain in graphics mode for referencing.
I'll look for something to experiment with.
Ben, don't touch.
Mr Professor.
It's my dream. I can touch it if I want.
- Is he always like this? - Just about.
It doesn't make him so intelligent just because he has a computer.
I can do it. I mean, it's not that tough.
That's where it's gonna be when it comes on.
- Can you make it bigger? - Sure.
- How do you make it come on? - Like this.
- I didn't know it could get that big. - Me neither.
Turn it off, man. Get him out of there.
- Come on! - I'm trying. It's just not working.
Ben, turn it off!
Where's it going?
This is like Journey to the Center of the Earth.
He's on his way to China!
Wolfgang! God, man, I'm sorry.
Are you all right?
Are you OK? I didn't mean to turn it on. It just came on.
- I couldn't breathe in that thing. - What was it like?
It was airtight. I couldn't feel myself speed up or slow down.
Do you know what this means? Do you realise what it means?
No.
"Trägheitslosigkeit". That's German for "no inertia".
- No...? - Inertia.
If we had something to sit in, all three of us could fly around in this thing.
We could look on top of the girls' gym.
I have got a great idea.
Oh, no. Ben, no.
Are you serious?
A little higher.
That's it. I can almost see in.
Oh, my God. There she is.
She won't be undressing this early.
She's talking on the phone and she's eating some...
It looks like Boston Cream Pie.
She's got stuffed animals on her bed
and some Thompson Twins records.
He's got it bad.
Idiotic.
I can almost read her lips. Get me closer.
Quick, she'll see me. Get me down.
Here she comes.
Who is that?
Is that you, Ben?
Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.
What are you doing down there?
I saw a cat in your tree, so I thought I'd get it down.
She wants me. I know she does.
Once we get this built, how fast will it go?
Imagine being in a car and accelerating from 0-90 in less than a second.
You'd be instantly squished. But in this force field you have no inertia.
No resistance to acceleration.
You can start, speed up, stop without slowing down,
and, basically, you won't get squished.
- How fast? - It depends on the power you put in.
To give you an idea, this is the amount of power I'm putting in right now.
Who's Roger?
This old guy. He won't notice if we borrow anything.
- Do you come here often? - Yeah.
I've got my own key.
That's Bozo.
I always come here at night to get parts,
so I kept bringing things to make friends with him. Bones, meat. Nothing worked.
I finally found out what he likes.
Gum? He likes gum?
Don't you?
Yeah, I guess.
- Doesn't he swallow it? - No.
Bozo's pretty weird. Someday I'll teach him how to blow bubbles.
I used to hang out here when things got bad at home.
Pretty neat, huh?
Oh, yeah.
- I could live here. - Not me.
There's some old carnival rides over there.
A bunch of rats live in them.
Whoa! I mean, we don't have to go there, right, Ben? Ben?
Don't worry. He'll find us.
Oh, there you are.
Here's the thing I thought we could use.
It's beautiful.
She needs a little work. This used to be called a Tilt-a-Whirl.
It's perfect. We could all fit in here, too.
Yeah, but how are we gonna get this thing home?
It's got wheels. We'll roll it.
Turn it around. Turn it around.
- Come on. - Get off my foot, you idiot.
That's enough, no more. It's fine here till morning.
- What time is it? - I don't know.
I got a test tomorrow. Mr Doyle hates me.
So, who would like to tell us something about carbon dioxide?
- Ben. - Carbon dioxide.
That's what you'd breathe on Mars. They have dust storms for months there.
And the temperature's 50 below.
- And that's what you'd breathe on Mars. - What's he talking about?
And...
Trisha.
Carbon dioxide is formed during respiration,
combustion and decomposition.
Are you crazy? I'm here.
Stop it.
Some of you have not brought in your field trip permissions slips.
They have to be in by Wednesday.
Yesterday, we briefly covered physiology. Would anyone like to review that for us?
Tonight, we launch.
All right.
Very good. Not so good.
Very good. Easy test. A very high curve. There's always an exception.
That's three strikes in a row, Woods. What's the problem here?
- Very good. Very good. - I'm just stupid, I guess.
Do you feel like something big's about to happen?
Maybe, but we really haven't been very scientific about this.
- It might be dangerous. - Have a little faith, will you?
- Hey, come on. That's not funny. - Cool it.
I swiped some beer, so we can name it something.
It's good beer. My dad drinks a lot of it.
Why don't we call it the Jules Verne?
No, no. We could call it the Einstein. Now, that's a great name.
- Come on. - You want to call it the Lori Swenson?
- Well, I have an idea. - What's that?
How about the Thunder Road? It's from a Bruce Springsteen song.
- It's not bad. - Not bad? It's perfect!
The Thunder Road. I christen thee the Thunder Road.
The Thunder Road!
- Oh, now it breaks. - Let's go.
I knew we should've put hinges on this thing.
I'll take it very easy at first because something might happen
and we all could be killed.
Stop talking about getting killed. It's gonna be great.
What if the ship falls apart?
- She won't. She's a good ship. - Don't be so paranoid.
- Ready? - Yeah.
Flashlight.
Systems check. Air pressure.
- OK. We're OK there. - Check.
- 12 volt system. - Check.
- Exterior illumination. - Check.
And drive systems response.
- Oh, look. - Here's my launch area graphic.
Since the Thunder Road's inside the field now,
I'm going to plot our movement relative to an outside stationary point: the creek.
There we are.
- It makes sense. - OK. Harness strength.
- Oh, come on. Check. Let's go. - Wait, wait, wait.
- We need supplies. - Look, supplies. Check.
Are you nuts?
- Everything. - You nut. Are you crazy?
- We need to go. Come on! - All right.
- Exterior illumination off. - No. It'll be cooler if it's on.
The whole world's gonna see these lights.
We'll turn 'em off when we get out of the creek. It'll be cool.
OK. Fine. Your way. Fine.
- All right. Masks on. - Mask on.
We'll be able to talk briefly after the field is on.
Make sure you breathe through these hoses most of the time.
We'll run out of oxygen pretty fast in this thing.
- Ready? - Ready.
Tight? Check, check, check.
- Stop checking. Let's go. - Let's boogie!
Field on.
OK. Let's go down and to the right.
- Hardly feels like we're moving at all. - Great suspension on this thing.
It feels like a dream, doesn't it? It's all so perfect.
- I never have dreams. - Everybody has dreams.
I don't.
Gee, I wish I'd gone to the bathroom.
I can't believe this.
We're going over 100 mph and we haven't used 1/10th of our power yet.
- Wow! - Where shall we go?
- Where's all the action on Friday night? - The drive-in.
Bloodshed saved my life. Now is the time for destruction.
See them flying there. That's what they call a travelling matte.
- How do you know? - All these movies use it. It's standard.
May the power be with us if they attack What they will not touch, I will conquer.
- Oh, Starkiller. This is great. - You've seen this?
The blond guy is Starkiller and he spends the movie blowing up aliens.
- Karla! - Explosions in space? That's impossible.
What do you mean? You can hardly see the strings.
He was like my father.
- Do you see what I mean? - He was my father.
Oh, Starkiller.
- Does she take her clothes off? - Yeah, but she's got three navels.
Don't you think we're a little close?
That looks so fake.
We're in front of the screen. Get us out of here.
What's happening?
- Not so fast! We're too low. - It's making no sense.
- Turn us around. - You'll kill us!
I'm trying.
- Hey, what's the deal? I gave you a 20. - It was not.
We're gonna hit! Hold on!
What the...?
Smooth move, Ex-lax.
- Do you want to drive? - Yeah.
I heard they were gonna tear it down anyway. At least, I think I did.
It's working OK now. Let's go back.
- Come on! - Not yet. Let's see some more.
- Let's see what she can do. - Are you serious?
- Yeah. - She's done enough already.
Oh, come on.
OK, Charlie. What do we do now?
We order it down.
Unidentified craft. You're in direct violation of controlled airspace.
- What did he say? - Probably, "You're under arrest."
You must land immediately.
Jesus! Did you see that?
I don't know what I saw, Charlie.
Gordon, there was something inside. Did you see it?
I swallowed my gum.
- That guy saw us for sure. - That's just great.
What if he reports us and we're arrested?
Then we'll have a criminal record.
Big deal. Even if he did report us, who's gonna believe him anyway?
It's doing it again.
- What? - I don't know.
I didn't programme anything like this. Look, it's complete nonsense.
- Then where's it coming from? - I've no idea.
- The computer's crazy. - We're going straight up.
Is it taking over the ship?
It's receiving this stuff from somewhere outside the sphere.
- Tell it to turn us around. - I'm trying!
See. "No access."
I don't know what this is or where it's coming from.
- You can still read it, can't you? - Ready for more good news?
- We're out of air. - We are.
OK, nobody panic. We have to trick the computer.
I'm going to reverse our x-axis dial. Hold your ears.
I'm turning off the field and the air's gonna rush in.
- Aren't we still going up? - No. This is great.
We have new fresh air.
And I tricked the computer into thinking it's going in the opposite direction.
- Then we're going straight down. - Well, yeah...
We're going straight down!
Oh, we made it. We made it. OK, 12 volt system off.
Wait, we're not on the ground.
- Last but not least... - We're not on the ground.
- We are! We're home! Field off! - Don't do it!
You idiot.
- You broke my Walkman. - I brought us back down, didn't I?
You sure did.
Whoa. It took us right back home.
What's so funny?
That was great. That was incredible.
- Next time, we'll bring more air... - Next time?
I'm not getting in that thing again
until we know where those programmes come from.
And we need to run tests.
Yes. We have to run hundreds of serious tests.
- It could take years. - What are you talking about?
That was the most important thing that ever happened.
Couldn't you feel it, that feeling way inside?
- We were flying. - Come on, Ben, make some sense.
- We almost didn't come back. - But we did come back.
Here we are.
What do you think? We should trust the dream, right?
Sorry, man. I want to live.
But we have our own spaceship.
You coming?
No.
- I want to take another look around. - OK. Catch you later.
- Johann! - Keep your projectiles to yourself.
There was a lot of activity in this town last night. Numerous UFO sightings.
Many of them at the drive-in, where the police are trying to investigating
to discover who destroyed the concession stand.
- Wolfgang! - What?
Your colour is not good. You should not be making experiments so late.
- I found the bug bomb. - Where was it?
Where was it? In the bathroom.
I waited a lifetime for something like this. I want to find out what we saw.
OK. I saw something down in the creek and I...
I don't know. I can't help it. Can't you understand that?
All I know is, this is driving me crazy.
Gordon...
Look, man, I've been having dreams about this lately. Yes, really.
The weird thing is I haven't had dreams like this since I was a kid.
Lori, it's a dream.
Lori?
Wow.
- Is this what your first dream was like? - Wolfgang! This is a private dream.
- Not any more. - You too? I thought you never dream.
Yeah, so did I.
Wait. We're all here. There must be a reason for this.
There's always a reason when you dream.
What are these, drive-ins?
See there's a diagram with a missing part in the centre.
We have to remember it and figure it out when we go up again.
- Wolfgang. - I just had a dream weirder than yours.
Did you get the diagram?
Yes, as a matter of fact, I did.
What's going on here? We both had the same dream?
It's a smaller circuit board that fits onto the original circuit board, like this.
- Turn it on. - OK.
- What is that stuff? - It's oxygen. It's oxygen.
Turn it off, stupid.
Had it turned up a little too high. But that's OK. We can still go.
Finally.
You feel it, too.
Yeah, ever since the dream last night.
Let's face it. Somebody's calling us.
They've been calling since the beginning.
From where?
I don't know, but it's somewhere up there.
- I guess we have to find out, right? - Well, they got us this far.
It's like we're supposed to go.
Well, let's go.
Before my dad sees his work shed.
BEN CRANDALL 185 SOUTH SPRING, NEWTOWN
Ben, are you using my tweezers on your models?
- No. - What are you doing?
- I'm writing a letter to Grandma. - Oh, well, good.
- Mom. - Yeah?
Remember what you told me about dreams and doing what you want to do?
Well, if I really want to be an astronaut, go out in space,
really do that, you'd be OK, right?
Sure, honey, if that's what you really want to do.
- Sleep tight. - Good night.
Bye, Mom.
Whoa. Hiya, kid.
- So, you're the spaceman? - What?
- Hey, listen, is this your jacket? - Where'd you get that?
You were in that UFO, weren't you? Weren't you?
Hey, weren't you in there?
We gotta get out of here. Some guy knows about us.
- Who? - Some guy. He tried to grab me.
- He's probably on his way here. - We'll kick his butt.
- Let's get out of here. - I have to regulate the air pressure first.
- Can you do that when we're up there? - No. You're getting on my nerves.
What's that?
Something my dad gave me. Do you mind?
It's fine, fine. Just put it out of the way.
Nice going, kid.
All right. So what happens now?
I'll take us higher, then they'll contact us, I guess.
I can't stop thinking about what's up there. What kind of life?
You mean, will it be some kind of slimy blob?
It could be anything. It could be pure energy. It could be thought waves.
I don't know. It could be something we can't even imagine.
How about a planet full of Amazon women who want to breed a new race?
- You pervert. - Come on, you guys.
It'll be great. It'll be the greatest thing ever.
- They're here. - See? They've taken over.
What was that? What happened? Where are we?
Oh, my God.
Eaten alive.
- What if we want to go back? - Go back?
Now you say this? Look around. It's a little too late.
Will you shut up? It'll be all right. Just don't spoil it.
We are going where no man has gone before.
To unlock the secrets of the universe.
That's pretty incredible. Think about it.
The field's off.
- Well, guys, we're on our own now. - Don't worry. It's all part of the plan.
Look at this place.
Ride's over.
- I guess we should get out now, huh? - Are you crazy?
We can't just sit here. They're expecting us.
Exactly. I'm staying right here.
If they give us any trouble, we'll kick their butts.
What the hell's this?
- Let's get out of here. - We really have to go.
Hello.
Probably radioactive now.
Our DNA's all screwed up. And our kids'll have tentacles!
- It's dark in here. - Maybe they don't have eyes.
Think we'll enjoy living here?
I wonder what they're waiting for.
I mean, they must've been preparing for this for thousands of years.
Maybe they're not hungry yet.
Where's Darren?
- Darren! - Where is he?
There must be some mistake.
Mistake, my foot. They're testing us like mice in a maze.
- You're such a downer. - I'm serious.
Ben. Hey, Ben, wait up.
Ben. Ben, what was that sound?
I don't know.
Wolfgang!
Ben!
Darren. Are you OK?
That was weird.
- You were in a trance. - Where's Wolfgang?
I don't know. I lost him. This thing came out...
Let's find him and get out of here.
I don't know how it works, but it puts pictures in your head.
I saw that dream we had and a bunch of other weird stuff.
That sounds just like in Forbidden Planet.
They had this brain booster machine.
Maybe that's how they got into my dreams.
It smells in here.
I hate to say this, but this isn't the way I thought it would be at all.
- It smells in here. - You just said that.
- No, I didn't. - What?
- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God!
Where'd he go?
- We scared him. - Scared him?
Yeah. To him, we're the aliens.
- To him, we might be horrible. - Horrible? Us?
Come on. He couldn't have gotten far.
Hello.
- Don't be scared. - Ben, wait a minute.
We gotta find him.
I've waited all my life to say this.
Be my guest.
We come in peace.
Now try, "How do we get back to our ship?"
Just give him a minute. He's probably just translating in his head.
If we can communicate, he can give us the answers to anything.
He's about to say something.
What's up, Doc?
What?
OK, but let's face it,
this energy field of yours is extraordinary, but still needs lots of work.
Talk about bumpy rides.
You'd think a technology this advanced could stabilise such a simple computer.
I never tire of looking at the stars, do you?
Did you know that the light we see now, actually began eons ago.
They always make me feel so romantic.
Do you have a girlfriend on Earth?
A girlfriend? Of course I've got a girlfriend.
No one special.
I'm not tied down if that's what you mean.
It's probably not English. It's just an alien language that sounds like English.
Remember this one?
Oh, a horse is a horse Of course, of course
But no one can talk to a horse, of course That is, of course
Unless the horse is the famous Mr Ed! Everybody!
- Nobody's singing. - Wolfgang?
Hi, guys. Where you been?
Looking for you.
We were worried about you. Do you have any consideration for your friends?
This is Neek.
And Neek, that's Darren and Ben.
Hello.
Hi.
Hi, yourself.
We've been looking all over for you.
Now you're just lounging around with some alien and communicating!
Ben, she's incredibly intelligent.
Besides, she kind of likes me.
What?
- Quack? Wak? - Wak!
Wak's your name! That's your name.
- I'm Ben. Me Ben. - Me Tarzan.
What do I have to do? Eat a banana?
- You get it, don't you? - No, I...
Jump in!
They know all about us. It's from watching this stuff.
- Neek. - You see? Look.
TV?
...helps shrink swollen membranes.
- They get TV up here? - Just waves in space.
- They're crazy about it. - There is life in outer space.
Here he is, the life of outer space himself.
Let's make him feel at home. Here's Wak!
Do you know me? Often, when I enter a hotel or restaurant,
people fail to recognise me.
Let's start tonight's show with your favourites.
Remember this one? The amazing Kitchen Companion.
It slices, dices, minces, quinces. French fries, shoestring or crinkle cut.
That's not all. Make hundreds of julienne carrots in seconds.
One tomato lasts a month. No more tears cutting onions.
How much would you expect to pay for this miracle
that makes all previous forms of kitchen appliances obsolete?
$50?
$100? $1000?
- What do you think? - It's great. But...
- Well, is it just me or... - What? What's the matter?
- They don't make any sense. - That's the way they think we talk.
Order now and get the steak knives and the miracle paring knives absolutely free!
Anyway, my wife gave me a new car. It's called a Rolls-Kinardly.
Rolls down one hill, "kinardly" get up the next.
A Rolls-Kinardly!
De train! De train!
Now, for the first time on our show...
...the Flying Sorrento Brothers.
They were supposed to be on last week's show,
unfortunately, four of them are in critical condition.
So this evening, we are proud to present the Flying Sorrento Brother.
First, I'd like to introduce four lads from Liverpool, The Beatles.
But before The Beatles...
You must be proud to be from such a wonderful place.
You mean Earth?
Thank you. No, no more, please. My heart! My heart!
- No, no. Please. - Earth, huh?
OK, I'd like a little audience assistance. If someone would come up and help me.
You, son. Yes.
Come on stage for just a minute, please. That's right.
Up here next to me. What's your name, son?
- Ben. - Where are you from?
- Earth. - Anybody here from Earth?
See, you've got friends here. Ben, would you do me a favour?
I'd like to improve my reception, so would you raise my antenna?
- Not that one, Ben. Thank you. - These?
Yes, that's right. Move it a little to the right.
A little further. Feels good.
Better, Ben.
- OK. That's pretty good. - Oh, great. Thank you very much.
- Get away, son. You bother me. - Excuse me?
Get away, boy. Off. Off.
Kids! Kids all over the world, they only understand one thing.
Thank you. Thank you. You're beautiful.
You're wonderful. You're wonderful. Thank you.
I get it. Your people have been visiting our planet since ancient times.
Now you've come back to check up on us and explain everything, right?
It's a very interesting story. It doesn't make any sense at all.
Are you aware of that?
Actually, they've never been down there. There's too many germs.
Germs! Germs that can cause colds, bad breath, diarrhoea.
Germs that can flourish in your family bathroom.
They had to disinfect us when we got here just to get this close.
Besides, we know what they do to people like us down there.
But...but this is just the movies.
This isn't the way we really are. Don't you know that?
You expect me to believe that? Your people just like to blow things up.
Look, we sent out those signals because we wanted to meet.
But it had to be someone special. You.
So you could explain. You're not like the rest of them.
You knew we could be friends, if we only got the chance.
I know I must look weird to you, but how do you think you look to me?
I watched four episodes of Lassie before I realised why the hairy kid never spoke.
He rolled over fine, but I didn't think he deserved a series for that.
But this isn't real and we don't really kill people.
Well, we do, but not aliens because we haven't met any.
- What's that? - Space pirates.
Space pirates?
- Space pirates, scourge of the universe. - We can fight them off.
- Vicious. Merciless. - We'll stand together.
They crush all who defy them. Coming to a theatre near you. Rated R.
Good night, everybody. Thanks for the memories...
There she is.
Go home? We can't go home. We just got here.
We're sorry you have to run along so soon.
Aren't they great? Give them a big send off.
I love this guy. I mean that sincerely.
You can see him at Tahoe on the 17th and in Atlantic City on Easter weekend.
- Let's all try to be there. - Tahoe?
- What's the hurry? - Look, honey, let's not have a scene.
We came all this way and we haven't learned anything.
- Perhaps next time. - Next time?
Yes, next time you get to compete for our grand prize, a Pontiac Firebird.
It's a brand-new car!
- We're not afraid of space pirates. - I don't understand why we have to go.
- I really like it here. - We get beat up all the time at home.
Y'all come back, now. Hear?
You can't just send us away. Did we do something wrong? Is that it?
We laughed at all your jokes, even the really dumb ones.
I don't know. What is it you want?
Aw, looks like my baby picture.
It's '80s music. It's cool.
Far out.
Oh, Wak.
Is that a space pirate?
Yes.
No, not exactly.
It's their father.
What?
- It's their father. They're kids. - No way.
I mean, look at 'em.
Just a couple of kids, and you didn't tell us?
You dreamed about meeting us.
You wanted us to be so great. We were afraid you'd be, you know, disappointed.
And wouldn't want to come back again.
- Really? - It's true.
It really is his vehicle and we're not even supposed to touch it.
- What a bummer. - You stole your dad's car?
- He said we'd get away with it. - We did.
- We didn't. - Practically, we got away with it.
You're such a wimp anyway.
Boy, he's really pissed.
That's why you have to go. He'd never understand.
Especially about us, Wolfgang.
Well, I think it's time for you guys to get going.
Do we have to?
Yeah, and we didn't even get to tell you the secrets of the universe.
Ben.
This is for you.
- What is it? - The stuff that dreams are made of.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
I must have something...
- Pretty cute, huh? - Hubba hubba!
Boy, I'd like to get my cups on her.
- Someday she'll be my girlfriend. - Maybe sooner than you think.
- What's this? - It's a harmonica.
You put it in your mouth.
Yeah, and see, you blow... No.
No, you can't play it very well like that.
Way to go, stupid.
- It's OK. - Doesn't even offer me any.
We'll always have Paris.
Paris? Paris! Bye-bye!
Boy, and I thought my dad was tough.
I've waited all my life to say this.
What do I have to do? Eat a banana?
And Neek, that's Darren and Ben.
- Hello. - A Rolls-Kinardly!
- What's that? - Space pirates.
It's their father. They're kids.
- Pretty cute, huh? - Hubba hubba!
It's time for you guys to get going.
Do we have to?
We're sorry you have to run along soon.
We can't go home. We just got here.
- Y'all come back, now. Hear? - We were flying.
- You're the spaceman? - This is for you.
- What is it? - The stuff that dreams are made of.
- There's the drive-in. - What's left of it.
Oh, yeah.
There's the Safeway.
There's my house. My dad's up. I wonder what he's doing.
It's taking us back to our point of origin.
Oh, no, it's not.
- The field's off. - Then what's holding us up?
- Oh, shoot. - Come on.
She was a good ship.
Goodbye.
It's weird. They should've called us by now.
- What if we never hear from them? - I know. We've got to get back there.
But we don't have our ship. No power.
It's just so frustrating. No one on Earth is ever going to top Neek.
Gee, I thought they really liked us.
I wonder what they're doing right now.
Come on, let's go. They've probably been grounded for three million years.
Who was the scientist that discovered nickel as an element?
Ben.
Nickel...
Thomas Jefferson?
- Trisha. - Baron Axel Fredrik Cronstedt, 1751.
Very good, Trisha.
All right.
They're sending again. I knew they would.
Wow. This one looks really complicated.
If this is all a dream, then what happens when we wake up?
I don't know, but I can't wait to find out.
A guy goes to a psychiatrist, has an examination.
Afterwards, the shrink says, "Well, I think you're crazy."
The guy says, "I want a second opinion."
And the shrink says, "All right, I think you're ugly too."